In the void, there was nothing. I was not Nejoud. I was nothing. I only knew I was nothing when I came out of it, for while in it, there was nobody to experience it.
There was no duality. Neither a you nor a me. Nor we. There was not even a witness to experience this phenomenon – as though nothing was happening and nothing was felt. There was no inner or outer world. Only darkness. Complete darkness. But nobody there to know that it was dark until I came back to “myself”. There was no knowledge of darkness. There was nothing to describe it, no words or thoughts, and nothing to compare it to, in essence.
There was no concept of race, religion, gender, this or that. No here nor there, no nowhere, nor everywhere. No time, no place, no space. Nothing. There was nothing to do, nothing to be. There was nothing to feel or see. No fear, no notion of existence. No love or hate, no ideas to manifest, no emotions, no thoughts, no information, no war and peace, sin and virtue, or any concept of polarities, for that matter. Absolutely nothing.
In this nothingness, there was only one. But even the word one is not accurate because there was nothing, nobody else there. No two. And the nothingness itself was certainly not zero. There was nobody there to be one.
And “I” was it without even any form of identification. Imagine being without knowing you are.
It was only after exiting the void that my ego was terrified, and it took ages to recover from the fear of having experienced nothingness, especially since nobody had told me about it, but now I know that this is a place inside of us to be honored and cherished. Nothingness is the only thing that unites us. There is nothing to tap into, no effort, no need to detach. It merely is. And that is all that is left to say.
(The above entry is based on a true story. I went to a meditation center and slipped into the void. I had no idea what it was, and when I came out of it, and explained it to the meditation guide, he told me I had experienced the void. When I went home a few days later, I was editing a book of mine and found the phrase “the void” in three of my poems. To me, the void was a spiritual term that meant the space, the stillness beneath it all. I had no idea that it was actually an experience of complete darkness and not existing. I thought it was peace and light. To know that I had written about it before “experiencing” it was quite intriguing, to say the least).